15 Things I Learned in 2015

Knowledge is an amazing thing. The end of each year is a great time to look back on what you had an opportunity to learn. I learned a lot this past year. I may have failed myself and others a few times, but life has a way of working out the way it's supposed to. Both bad and good things happen, but God has a plan. For 2016, I have chosen to be on His side. I need Him to help me have a successful year. I'm going to be stronger and wiser. This will be my year.

What I learned:

• It is not selfish to do what's best for you.
• Trust your heart, because it's never wrong.
• Don't hold back your tears.
• You will meet the best people at the most unexpected times.
• Always give hugs.
• Bubble gum ice cream is the best comfort food.
• Travel. A lot!
• Even the smallest acts can change the world.
• Go out of your comfort zone.
• Spend your time with the people who make you the happiest.
• Find a job that you love.
• Your mom really is the best listener.
• Find music that will express your feelings better than you can.
• There is always someone out there going through a similar thing. You're never alone.
• Take lots of pictures, but also learn how to live in the moment.
• Bonus: God doesn't do random.

Love, MissKatieBug <3

Semicolon Project

"Sometimes the people around you won't understand your journey.
They don't need to, it's not for them."

My instagram post (11/21/15)
"I realize that some people will be mad or disappointed that I got another tattoo. But this one has a lot of meaning to me. A semicolon is used when an author could have ended a sentence, but chose not to. This tattoo represents a life that could have ended, but didn't. Mine. I've struggled, and I've fought. Now I'm standing up for this cause."

The semicolon has become very popular within the past year or two. Everyone who self harms, is suicidal, depressed, has anxiety, is unhappy, struggles with an eating disorder, etc. is supposed to draw a semicolon on their wrist on April 16. This is called the semicolon project. By doing this, people will come to realize that they are not alone. This is not to make mental illnesses popular. They are not a fashion trend. They are a daily struggle for those who suffer with them.

I don't expect everyone to understand this. This tattoo is to remind me that I am a fighter, but it is to remind others that I will stand with them. I will hug every person that I see with this tattoo and let them know that they don't have to suffer alone. The world is a hard place to live in and life is tough, but so are you! I really believe that the semicolon project will make a difference in the world, whether you draw it on or make it permanent. Change a life. Make an impact. Share your story.

Love, Miss KatieBug <3

September

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls;

the most massive characters are seared with scars."

-Kahlil Gibran

    It has been 14 months. I'm alive. I'm well. I'm stronger than ever. Suicide Awareness Day (Sept. 10) has a different meaning to me now than it did two years ago. I was always so cautious of those around me. I thought suicide was something you could see coming, but that is not always the case. Suicide isn't always scars and sadness. It is a silent cry for help in the night while you are alone so nobody can see your struggle. It's a bright smile on your face every single day so that nobody sees your pain. It's being a listening ear because you don't want anybody else feeling the way you secretly do. Sometimes suicide is an internal battle.

    Nobody saw my warning signs, and I didn't want them to. I wanted to slowly slip away for a while. A coma would have been perfect. I was lucky enough to survive and get help, most are not. Every year suicide rates get higher and higher. I wish I could tell parents to watch their children closely, but even doing that won't always make a difference. Not only is it time to be aware.. It is time to stand up and speak up. Our stories are helping others survive the horrible illnesses connecting to suicide. Depression. Anxiety. Bipolar. ADD. Eating Disorders. We don't get to choose what illnesses we have to fight through in this life, but we do get to choose whether or not we help others fight through theirs. I'm taking a stand and I'm fighting.

    My blog is not for sympathy. My blog is to inspire others to hold on to their precious life even when they think they don't have the strength or courage. I have always been a fighter, but last year I was weak and I didn't have somebody else to fight with me. It's okay to ask for help. ALWAYS remember that. I wish I would have. Please don't give up your fight. I understand how hard it is. Don't keep your battle on the inside. Let it out. Share your story, because it will strengthen both you and others. Suicide is not selfish. It's a last resort after crying out for help for too long. Please don't use your last resort. Find a saving grace.

Love,
Miss Katie Bug <3

  Dedicated to all of the amazing English teachers I had throughout school, because without you I wouldn't be here. Your classes were my escape. Writing is my escape. Reading is my escape. Thank you. You will never understand what a difference you made in my life.

WORDS.

"Words are a powerful thing. Use them for good. Use your words to love the people who need it most, and to comfort those who are hurting. Speak in a way that people will learn to love themselves. Never belittle. Be a teacher and a friend. It takes one word to break someone down and a million words to build them back up. Use your words wisely and carefully. One wrong word may change the course of a person's life. Choose to change a life for the better. Be the hero."
               -Katelyn Marie, 20 years old

We've all heard the saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I only wish that was the truth, but sadly, it's not. We live in a society where people (young and old) are committing and attempting suicide every day. Suicide takes almost five-thousand lives each year. And one of the causes is us, our words and our actions. We may see people getting bullied at school, or on the street; yet, we do nothing. Have you ever thought about how your own thoughts affect you? We tell ourselves day after day that "we aren't good enough", or "we're not pretty", or maybe we just don't feel like we belong. That's bullying.

One day, back in middle school, I was talking to a crying girl who hated everything about herself. She was one of the smartest girls I knew, and she didn't see the potential in her life. She couldn't see beyond her own flaws. I didn't know a thing about her home life, but I knew she was struggling there as well. I sat in math class with her every day for a week and I did what I could to build her up, because I saw the pain in her eyes. I saw that she needed a friend. Later that year, I learned that she was planning on killing herself that weekend. She was still around all through high school, and I never stopped being her friend. I don't know where she is now or what she is doing with her life, but I think of her occasionally to remind myself that words can be a lifesaver.

I've always been one to put myself down, but build up everyone around me. I can't stand to see people hurting, but I'm hurting myself every day without realizing it. Many of us are. This cycle has to change. We need to stand up for ourselves. We need to stand up for others. Use your words. Use positive words. Be an inspiration. Save a life. Pray for those who need extra strength and love. If you pay close enough attention, I promise you will see which people need your support. You'll be able to hear it in their words and see it in their eyes. Please don't overlook those around you. Pay attention, and share your story.

We are our own worst enemy. It may be easy for some of us to brush off what other people say, but do we really ever brush off our own words? Of course not, because we believe them. Watching what we say to ourselves is just as essential as watching what we say to others. WE can prevent suicide. WE can make a difference. WE can be a hero. Words can hurt, but they don't have to.

Love, Miss KatieBug <3

He Is The Gift

Alma 7:11-12
"11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the  word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
 12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he  will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he  may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."

I've been reading these verses over and over lately, and they have a different meaning than they used to. It was always 'Yeah, Christ suffered for my sins. He took on the pains of the world. I'm not alone because of Him.' What we don't realize is that He did so much more than that. The definition of infirmity is: "physical or mental weakness". I was hit hard when my bishop told me that, because depression is a mental weakness/illness. Most people think of illnesses as a cold, or maybe the flu. This scripture includes everything: sicknesses, diseases, heartache, struggles, pain. For me, it's important to know that he suffered through depression and anxiety. He knows exactly what I've been through and what I am currently going through. I'm NEVER alone.

He (Christ) is the gift. Happy Holidays!

Love, Miss KatieBug <3

This is why.

 "Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in our hearts."
-Winnie the Pooh

     A few weeks back, I was having a particularly hard day. The hospital bills were getting extremely overwhelming and I wasn't quite sure how to handle it. Again, thoughts of suicide came flooding back. I can't explain what was running through my mind. I wanted to be better and stronger, but on the other hand, I was so tired of trying to deal with life. I remember coming home from work to another bill and I just sat down and cried. I wanted to talk to somebody, but what was that going to solve? It wasn't like I could find someone to pay my bills for me, and even if I could, I would only feel worse because it's my responsibility. I felt broken, again, and I've always hated that feeling.

I wish I could say that God is the first person I turn to when things get hard. I wish I could step back and tell you that I always pray when I need to feel peace. But I don't. It's almost like I've forgotten how to. About a year ago, I quickly started falling away from the church, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. Right now I'll admit to what I've been trying to deny.. I need help. I can honestly say that my life started going downhill because I stopped going to church. I stopped praying and reading my scriptures. I stopped caring.

I'm getting back on my feet again; although, it will take some time. Someone amazing recently came into my life and he told me that it's okay to be young and stupid. I mean, everybody goes through that stage, right? You grow and learn from it. Just by hearing that simple phrase, I realized that I'm gonna be okay. I can start going to church every week again, and I don't have to feel guilty. Not everybody knows what I've been through, but God knows. Now I have a great guy and example to go to church with every week. People keep saying things like, "don't do these things just for this guy" or "you can't just go to church for him." But do you want to know my thoughts? I'm not going back to church 'for him'. I'm going back to church BECAUSE of him. There's a difference. I'm going to church FOR me, and that makes me happy.

But this post isn't me telling you to start going to church if your life sucks. It's about the reasons behind life. I want you to notice the little things in life that make it worth living. So back to that really hard day of mine. I was laying in my bed that night getting ready to sleep, after finally calming down. A facebook notification popped up on my phone and it was a comment from my grandma. The comment was on a picture of me holding my baby nephew, Freddy. It was simple. All it said was, "This. This is why we're here."

I broke down. This time it wasn't because I was sad. I broke down, because I realized that I would be missing out on so much if I wasn't here. I wouldn't have met these cute, little nephews of mine. They would grow up hearing about me, but never know me. I would never have the opportunity to get married. I would never be able to have my own children. Those are things to look forward to in life. I've been growing up waiting for the day that I will fall in love. For as long as I can remember, I've been looking forward to the day where I can hold my first baby in my arms. And these small things are what we live for.

Don't forget that.

Love, Miss KatieBug <3

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

     In my last post, I talked about a meditation technique that my counselor taught me. It's a very good relaxation method for those who have anxiety. When I start having an anxiety attack there are a few things that I do. One of them is breathing in essential oils. I use Serenity from doTERRA http://www.doterra.com/. It is a more expensive brand, so you could also use Lavender instead. It should work just as well. I started doing the meditating a couple of weeks ago and I've really seen a difference. I also do this while I'm laying in bed about five minutes before I go to sleep. It usually knocks me out really fast and I stay asleep all night. I've always had a hard time falling asleep, and I love doing this. It would be beneficial if someone read it to you during the first time. 

"Progressive muscle relaxation is an exercise that reduces stress and anxiety in your body by having you slowly tense and then relax each muscle. This exercise can provide an immediate feeling of relaxation, but it's best to practice frequently. With experience, you will become more aware of when you are experiencing tension and you will have the skills to help you relax. During this exercise each muscle should be tensed, but not to the point of strain. If you have any injuries or pain, you can skip the affected areas. Pay special attention to the feeling of releasing tension in each muscle and the resulting feeling of relaxation.

Sit back or lie down in a comfortable position. Shut your eyes if you're comfortable doing so.

Begin by taking a deep breath and noticing the feeling of air filling your lungs. Hold your breath for a few seconds. (Brief Pause)

Release the breath slowly and let the tension leave your body.

Take in another deep breath and hold it. (Brief Pause)

Again, slowly release the air.

Even slower now, take another breath. Fill your lungs and hold the air. (Brief Pause)

Slowly release the breath and imagine the feeling of tension leaving your body.

Now, move your attention to your feet. Begin to tense your feet by curling your toes and the arch of your foot. Hold onto the tension and notice what it feels like. (5 Second Pause)

Release the tension in your feet. Notice the new feeling of relaxation.

Next, begin to focus on your lower leg. Tense the muscles in your calves. Hold them tightly and pay attention to the feeling of tension. (5 Second Pause)

Release the tension from your lower legs. Again, notice the feeling of relaxation. Remember to continue taking deep breaths.

Next, tense the muscles of your upper leg and pelvis. You can do this by tightly squeezing your thighs together. Make sure you feel tenseness without going to the point of strain. (5 Second Pause)

And release. Feel the tension leave your muscles.

Begin to tense your stomach and chest. You can do this by sucking your stomach in. Squeeze harder and hold the tension. (5 Second Pause)

Release the tension. Allow your body to go limp. Let yourself notice the feeling of relaxation. 

Continue taking deep breaths. Breathe in slowly, noticing the air fill your lungs, and hold it. (Brief Pause)

Release the air slowly. Feel it leaving your lungs.

Next, tense the muscles in your back by bringing your shoulders together behind you. Hold them tightly. Tense them as hard as you can without straining and keep holding. (5 Second Pause)

Release the tension from your back. Feel the tension slowly leaving your body, and the new feeling of relaxation. Notice how different your body feels when you allow it to relax.

Tense your arms all the way from your hands to your shoulders. Make a fist and squeeze all the way up your arm. Hold it. (5 Second Pause)

Release the tension from your arms and shoulders. Notice the feeling of relaxation in your fingers, hands, arms, and shoulders. Notice how your arms feel limp and at ease. 

Move up to your neck and your head. Tense your face and your neck by distorting the muscles around your eyes and mouth. (5 Second Pause)

Release the tension. Again, notice the new feeling of relaxation.

Finally, tense your entire body. Tense your feet, legs, stomach, chest, arms, head, and neck. Tense harder, without straining. Hold the tension. (5 Second Pause)

Now release. Allow your whole body to go limp. Pay attention to the feeling of relaxation, and how different it is from the feeling of tension.

Begin to wake your body up by slowly moving your muscles. Adjust your arms and legs.

Stretch your muscles and open your eyes when you're ready."

Hope this works for you! Keep me updated, and let me know.

Love, Miss KatieBug <3