To The Boys Who Broke My Heart

"The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process
of loving someone too much, and forgetting
that you are special too."
-Ernest Hemingway

An open and honest letter to the boys who have "broken" my heart:

And yes, I do mean boys, because you clearly don't know how to be men. I've learned some things about myself thanks to all of you. I used to think relationships would just always work out if I fought for it and put in all of my effort. But sometimes it had nothing to do with me at all, and you were the one to blame. I'm the kind of girl who would cross oceans and move mountains for the people I love. You know this, and you took it for granted. My first heartbreak was sudden and unexpected. I thought I was completely broken and I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like a failure and I put all of the blame on me. 10 months. That's how long it took for me to get over you, and I hated you for doing that to me. Even 6 months after you left, I was still crying every day. I don't know if you'll read this but I hope it hurts you to think about me.

I shut down after you left and I started pushing people away. I didn't go on dates because I never wanted to be that close to someone again if they were just going to leave. I blamed you for making me that way, but it couldn't possibly have been your fault. That was on me. I was putting up a wall and protecting my heart. I was turning cold and I wouldn't give myself a chance to find love, and it took me a while to learn that I wasn't being fair to myself. I've had more guys leave since you. All of you leave the same way. Either you find someone who you think is better, or you just shut me out and stop talking to me. And I just want to say thank you for leaving--I wouldn't have been able to do it on my own. You have taught me that I deserve better, because I do.

I remember a time in my life when I didn't know my self worth. I know it now. I learned how to love myself a little bit more with each piece of my heart that you guys took. But you do not get the credit for that love. The truth is, I've always known how to love, it just took longer for me to realize that I could love myself with all of the love I was giving away. Each of you said to me, "I am so lucky, and I don't deserve you." Maybe you were right. Do you know what I believe though? Every person who has lived, is living, or will live deserves all of the love this world has to offer. Whether you are good or bad--You deserve to be loved. But you'll never end up with that kind of love if you think you don't deserve it. That's the honest truth.

"We accept the love we think we deserve." -Perks of Being a Wallflower

God took you guys out of my life for a reason, but I know you won't forget me. I know you often think about how much I cared, and how I would have done anything for you. You think about every long, heartfelt text that I'd send when you were having a bad day. You think about how effortlessly and deeply I loved. Someday I'm going to find someone who loves me that same way, because I deserve it. You will never have the satisfaction of breaking me, because I can not be broken. I will not lose myself because I lost you. I'm worth more than the heartaches you caused. I'm worth more than the small amount of effort you put into our relationship. I'm worth more than you'll ever realize. But you are also worth more than you'll ever realize. I hope you find a love that sets your soul on fire.. a love that you will never have to question if you deserve it or not.

I hope that, because of me, you understand how it should feel to be loved.

Love, Miss KatieBug <3