What I Learned From Settling

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

-Perks of Being a Wallflower

I never understood why it was so easy for girls to settle in a relationship, and then it happened to me. I was at a point in my life where I wanted love so badly. I wasn't happy with my life and I just wanted more. I always wanted more, and THAT is where everything went wrong. My friends and others that I grew up with were all getting married and having babies, and I wanted that. Everyone looked so incredibly happy and content. I wanted that.

So I took the first person who came along.

Relationships always seem perfect in the beginning. He told me that we were going to get married, so of course I didn't see anything wrong. Marriage was what I had dreamed of forever. Divorce was never an option for me, and I didn't believe in it. But maybe because I had seen divorces in my life, my ideas of love were a little different. To me, divorce was such a selfish thing. How can you fall out of love with someone? It's impossible. I thought love was simple.

Then I realized that I've never been in love.

But I learned a few things from thinking I was in love, and settling for someone who I knew the whole time was wrong for me.

Love takes time and patience.

Some people find love at first sight. Some know the person for years, and it just hits them. Some fall slowly and gradually in love. You can't just find someone and expect to love them someday if there are things you don't like about them. Nobody should have to change for you. You'll meet someone who you'll fall for even after you know all of their flaws and weaknesses. Don't stay in a relationship if you don't like the person for exactly who they are. Neither of you deserve that, because it will never work out.

Fear is NOT a reason to stay.

Just because everyone else your age is getting married, doesn't mean something is wrong with you if you don't. You will not be "forever alone". Everybody matures at a different rate. I mean, I didn't go on a date until I was a senior in high school! I didn't have my first kiss until I was 18 and I seriously thought something was wrong with me. My very first relationship lasted almost a year, and when it was over, I didn't know how to be alone anymore. My life crumbled and I was a mess. So when my husband came along, I thought he was the only one who would ever accept my past. That is why I settled.

Outsiders often notice more.

When your parents see that something is wrong, believe me, something is wrong. When your best friend tells you over and over again that you aren't happy, she is probably right. And if a friend who lives 2,000 miles away (that you've never even met) knows more about you than your significant other, is that not a huge red flag? It should be. When you are infatuated and have your mind set on someone, it's hard to listen to what others have to say. I wish I would have listened.

There is no need for self-sabotage.

NO human being deserves to be lied to, cheated on, abused, etc. I'm not saying that any of these were the case for me, but they are for so many men and women out there. Many people settle when in situations like this, because they truly believe it's what they deserve. I made a lot of mistakes in my past, so I thought I didn't deserve to be happy. Please, PLEASE do not think that way. You deserve the world. I realize that it is so much easier said than done to leave certain situations.

Self love is the most important. 

How can you expect somebody to love you if you can't even love yourself? This was my biggest struggle, for a very long time. My warped mind thought that someone else's love could be enough for the both of us. The reality is, you will never be happy in any relationship if you rely on your partner to do all of the believing, loving, and trusting. I woke up one day and I realized my potential. I realized that I am a daughter of God and he made me. He didn't design me to be sad or fail. I was causing that all on my own. I finally walked away from a bad decision because I love myself. I deserve happiness. I believe in myself and I trust myself. I am comfortable in my own skin. 

When you accept yourself just the way you are--only then, can you fully give yourself to somebody else. The fight for happily ever after is so worth it. The right person will love every ounce of you. Flaws and all.

Love, MissKatieBug <3