Weathering the Storm

“Don’t ever feel bad for making a decision about your own life that upsets other people.You are not responsible for their happiness. You’re responsible for your own happiness. Anyone who wants you to live in misery for their happiness should not be in your life to begin with.”

Sometimes people clash, and sometimes you don't realize it until it is too late. I'm very stubborn, but I suppose I've always known that. After I make up my mind, it's set. I wouldn't change anything that has happened in the last year, besides the fact that I hurt so many people along the way. So here I am admitting my faults. Why did I get married? I grew up learning that it's what you do. I guess I never realized that I could say no, and maybe at the time I didn't even want to. I was ready to move out of my parent's house and start a life. I thought marriage would fix all of my problems. I honestly thought that marriage would be all fun and games, but boy was I so wrong. Marriage is hard, especially when you don't have anything in common with the person.

I was married for 6 months. Only half a year. I can't say that I was ever truly happy at all during that short time. The blame is not his, nor is it mine. We just weren't ready for marriage, or right for each other. I often considered staying in the marriage for him and for everybody else. I was told by several people that I was being selfish for wanting to leave. One day, I came to the realization that it's never selfish to do the right thing for you and your own happiness. Part of me wanted to fix things, but I had been unhappy for far too long and I knew that he wasn't who or what I wanted in life. There was never a day where we didn't argue about something, and it's not because we were bad people. Sadly, we were just bad for each other.

On January 30th, I moved out. I am now on my own. I don't regret making the choice to get married. It helped me learn some things about myself. Most would disagree with me, but I have grown up a lot since the proposal last May. I finally walked away because I am stronger than I was before. I want what is best for me and my future. I want my future children to see true love every single day. I want the happily ever after that I've always dreamed of, because I know it exists. And that is what I want for him too. He deserves happiness and I know it wasn't with me. We didn't share the same dreams and goals for our futures. I may be selfish now, but someday everyone that this decision has affected will realize that I did the best thing for us all.

For those of you who read my blog, I want you to learn that it's definitely okay to put your happiness first when circumstances call for it. There are also moments when you need to swallow your pride and drop the selfish act. I can promise that I did not make my decision without prayer. I prayed over and over every single day to know what to do. If that isn't something you do, then trust your heart. Your heart knows what is best for you, just like your Heavenly Father knows. I appreciate all of the support through this and want to thank everyone who is in my life and hasn't judged my choices.

Love, MissKatieBug <3

"I have struggled to know how to comfort.."

   I started my day just like any other day. I woke up at 8 o'clock to go babysit. I was asked to babysit for an extra hour, and I gladly accepted. I later realized that God added that extra hour for a reason. Today, I drove a different route home than normal. While I was driving, I noticed a young homeless man with a sign. He was begging for food. Now, I've obviously never been homeless, but I've definitely had my own set of struggles. When I see someone trying to overcome or live through a struggle, it pulls at my heart strings. It always has.

   The moment I saw him, I knew what I needed to do. I immediately turned the corner and went through the Wendy's drive-thru. I wish I could describe the look on his face when I handed him that food. I looked at him and realized that he must've been around my age and I knew that he needed more than food. I wouldn't want to be outside alone on a cold, winter day in Idaho. He told me that he was headed to Wendy's to eat his food, so I headed into Walgreens. I bought him a hat, gloves, hand warmers, and chapstick. I only wish I could've done more. I met him at Wendy's, gave him his items, and sat down.

   Terry is 23 years old and has been homeless off and on for about 4 years. "It's hard to get a job with a felony charge", he said. We sat there for an hour. I learned his story and heard the struggle in his voice. Terry told me about his life and how he ended up where he is today. Even with everything he has been through, he had a happiness about him. He told me, "I do what I gotta do to survive, and things can only get better". Terry has lived under bridges, in abandoned buildings, and out in the cold. I so applaud him for being optimistic.

   I found out that he went to stand on that corner only ten minutes before I showed up. Had I left babysitting at my regular time, none of this would have happened. Had I taken my regular route, none of this would have happened. In my last post, I ended with "God does not do random". It's the truth. This proves it. God sets us on specific paths when he needs our helping hand. Today was out of my norm, but it wasn't by accident.

Love, MissKatieBug <3