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"If only we could see the endless string of consequences
that result from our smallest actions. But we can't
know better until knowing better is useless."
-Jay Asher, 13 Reasons Why
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*Spoiler alerts
**Trigger warnings: rape & suicide
Everyone has been discussing the newest Netflix series, "13 Reasons Why", which is based off of the book written by Jay Asher. The series is shedding a new light (or darkness) on the realities of rape, suicide, and mental illness in the lives of high-schoolers. Back when I was a sophomore, my English teacher read the first couple chapters of this book to our class. Right at a cliff hanger, she shut the book and told us it wasn't appropriate to read at school but it was an important one to read on our own time. I searched the whole week for the book and I bought it without question. Immediately, after arriving home, I started and finished the entire book in one sitting. Yes, it is that good!
So, let's talk about Hannah Baker. The story is all about her. Hannah records 13 tapes to pass around to the classmates who were "reasons" for why she killed herself. Each person had to go through and listen to the tapes, then pass them on. The reasons start off as small as name calling, and turn into as serious as rape. Her classmates, as well as several people who have watched the series, believe that Hannah is just overreacting. But the truth is, if you've never been suicidal, you wouldn't understand. It always starts with the little things that wouldn't affect a normal person, and then everything starts to hurt the same. You never know how much a simple thing can affect someone who already hates them self or their life.
I realize that you can't blame someone else for suicide. It is a personal decision, and it always will be. But what people don't realize, is that every little awful thing they do and say to someone, could be slowly pushing them over the edge. I know this because it happened to me, and I was almost a Hannah Baker. If you've been a follower of my blog, you already know this. What you don't know is.. I wrote letters to every person who led me to the decision of wanting to end my life. I did this after the attempt. I survived, but I needed a way to heal and feel at peace. Writing has always been my way of escape. I pulled out a journal, I jotted down 10 names, and I wrote letters. They were detailed and they were not nice at all. Although, instead of ruining those people like they ruined me, I burned each letter. Those ten people did not need to know, and they never will.
I remember though. I went through the same things as Hannah. I remember being called names. I remember being rejected, used, and hurt. I remember being raped. I remember thinking, "my life will never get better, and I can't live like this". In a short episode called "Beyond the Reasons" at the end of the series, a doctor explains, "young adults haven't fully formed their frontal lobe, or executive function as we call it, so everything that happens feels like 'this is forever'." That statement could not be more true. The teenage years are so hard and it seems like they'll never end. But guess what? They actually do end. Life has a funny way of showing us how strong we can be. Suicide survivors feel weak for a little while, but they seem to gain back a strength that they never knew existed.
In this series, they show not one, but two rape scenes. To the people who are offended by these explicit scenes, I hope you understand that rape is something we need to learn about. It is so common, and they made those scenes uncomfortable for a reason. The producers put this out there for victims to know they're not alone, and for predators to see the pain it leaves on the person they assault. Statistics get higher and higher every year. 1 in 5 women get raped or sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Now is the time for us victims to take a stand and bring rape to people's attention. I've put my story out in the world because someday, we will get justice and our rapists will be stopped. I said no. I was lying there, stuck under the weight of his body, with all track of time lost because I could not breathe and the tears wouldn't stop falling. But him? He was fine. He got what he wanted, and I was the one who went home feeling broken.
Now for the suicide scene. It is painful and hard to watch. They don't leave anything to the imagination in that episode. It shows everything and it is graphic. In the book, we find out that Hannah overdoses and the author just leaves it at that. In the series, however, Hannah fills up the bath tub, slits her wrists, and bleeds to death. I listened to the producers side of this story and why they chose that ending for her, but it's awfully sad. In the world today, people seem to "romanticize" suicide and they believe that there is something "beautifully tragic" about it. If you watch this episode, I promise, you will never think that again. One producer said, "The way she does it, you can't watch it and feel like it's glamorized in any way". I chose to overdose because most women choose to end their life in what they think will be a beautiful way. Watch the episode. Tell me if it's beautiful for her parents to find their only daughter dead. It doesn't matter how you do it, it's tragic any way you choose, but it's never beautiful.
You know my story. You know Hannah's story. So what's your story? How are you changing the lives of those around you? Were you once the person who recorded the tapes, or were you the person on the tapes? Maybe you are just somebody who stands by and watches. Maybe you were someone's saving grace. Listen to the words that come out of your mouth. Choose your actions carefully. "No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other people."
"...And at some point, the struggle becomes
too much, too tiring, and you consider letting go.
Allowing tragedy, or whatever, to happen."
I remember though. I went through the same things as Hannah. I remember being called names. I remember being rejected, used, and hurt. I remember being raped. I remember thinking, "my life will never get better, and I can't live like this". In a short episode called "Beyond the Reasons" at the end of the series, a doctor explains, "young adults haven't fully formed their frontal lobe, or executive function as we call it, so everything that happens feels like 'this is forever'." That statement could not be more true. The teenage years are so hard and it seems like they'll never end. But guess what? They actually do end. Life has a funny way of showing us how strong we can be. Suicide survivors feel weak for a little while, but they seem to gain back a strength that they never knew existed.
In this series, they show not one, but two rape scenes. To the people who are offended by these explicit scenes, I hope you understand that rape is something we need to learn about. It is so common, and they made those scenes uncomfortable for a reason. The producers put this out there for victims to know they're not alone, and for predators to see the pain it leaves on the person they assault. Statistics get higher and higher every year. 1 in 5 women get raped or sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Now is the time for us victims to take a stand and bring rape to people's attention. I've put my story out in the world because someday, we will get justice and our rapists will be stopped. I said no. I was lying there, stuck under the weight of his body, with all track of time lost because I could not breathe and the tears wouldn't stop falling. But him? He was fine. He got what he wanted, and I was the one who went home feeling broken.
Now for the suicide scene. It is painful and hard to watch. They don't leave anything to the imagination in that episode. It shows everything and it is graphic. In the book, we find out that Hannah overdoses and the author just leaves it at that. In the series, however, Hannah fills up the bath tub, slits her wrists, and bleeds to death. I listened to the producers side of this story and why they chose that ending for her, but it's awfully sad. In the world today, people seem to "romanticize" suicide and they believe that there is something "beautifully tragic" about it. If you watch this episode, I promise, you will never think that again. One producer said, "The way she does it, you can't watch it and feel like it's glamorized in any way". I chose to overdose because most women choose to end their life in what they think will be a beautiful way. Watch the episode. Tell me if it's beautiful for her parents to find their only daughter dead. It doesn't matter how you do it, it's tragic any way you choose, but it's never beautiful.
You know my story. You know Hannah's story. So what's your story? How are you changing the lives of those around you? Were you once the person who recorded the tapes, or were you the person on the tapes? Maybe you are just somebody who stands by and watches. Maybe you were someone's saving grace. Listen to the words that come out of your mouth. Choose your actions carefully. "No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other people."
Here's to the survivors (of anything), and to the people who struggle in silence:
"You're not a victim for sharing your story.
You are a survivor setting the world on fire with your truth.
And you never know who needs your light, your warmth, and raging courage."
-Alex Elle
Love, Miss KatieBug <3
Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
