2 Years Untold

"Don't let this world make you bitter. Don't let the actions of other people turn you cold on the inside. Certain things happen that hurt us, people come that leave us, and most of all there are moments when you're bound to fall. Don't let those things make you unkind."

-Unknown

It has been 2 years and I'm doing okay.

Two years since I forgot how to trust.
Two years since I lost my innocence.
Two years since I attempted suicide.
Two years since I felt everything and nothing.

I remember walking into his house feeling safe. He made me feel comfortable. He was a returned missionary. His parents were home. But it was a big house, and being a missionary doesn't mean you are a good person. He was a bodybuilder. I only weighed 100 pounds. Other than saying no, what else could I have done? I was too small to fight back. I was too weak, and I knew he was strong. All I could do was lay there and cry while he did what he wanted.

I've done my research to learn that 1 in 6 girls/women are raped sometime in their life. ONE IN EVERY SIX. That's terrifying. And it's so common, that people push it aside like it's no big deal when we open up about it.

"Rape victims are liars."
"She's just saying that to get attention."
"Don't feel bad for her, it was probably her own fault."

These are sentences that I have heard others say. Rape victims live in fear. They are scared to meet new people. They are scared to walk alone in the dark. They are scared of men, in general. I am not telling you about my scariest moment to "get attention". I'm telling you my story to help myself and others heal.

"Maybe you should stop dressing like a slut."
"You shouldn't have led him on."
"If you weren't such a whore, that wouldn't happen."

These are things that people said to me personally. People that I loved and trusted. Nobody believed me. According to everybody else, it was my fault, and I started to believe that. I went to his house in sweats and a t-shirt. Nothing revealing. The most I had ever done was kiss a guy, and he knew that. How was it my fault?

I wracked my brain trying to understand what I did wrong. I was so innocent though, and I guess he was attracted to that. But he stole that from me. He took everything from me and it was just too much for me to handle. So now you know why I attempted suicide. Now you know why I hit a downward spiral.

A couple weeks later, I ended up in counseling. I told her everything, and I never cried. But it has been two years, and I'm stronger. I've let myself breakdown about it. I've learned that it was not, at all, my fault. I know how to trust people again. And most importantly, I'm raising awareness. Rape is not the victim's fault, ever.

I will always be affected by what happened to me that day. It changed the way I see others. It changed my outlook on the world, because I always chose to see the good. It changed how I will raise my children, and how I will protect them. It changed how careful I am about the situations I'm in. It changed me.

Two years ago I gave up on myself and everyone else. But today, I'm okay.

Love, MissKatieBug <3

Humble & Kind

"You have not lived today until you have done something

for someone who can never repay you."

-John Bunyan

    Let me tell you something, it is not fun to ride 12 hours in a motor home with ten people and no air conditioning--especially in 110 degree weather. The odds are that there will be at least one person who will get on everybody's nerves, one person who will complain about being sick, one person who will snap and yell for no reason, and everybody will be sweating on everybody. I know this to be true considering I have been down to Rocky Point, Mexico four times in the last year, three of the trips being without A/C. It's miserable. But it's also rewarding. I do not regret a single trip. I have never gone back home and wished I didn't go. 

    This trip was a lot different than the others. On the previous trips, we stayed pretty busy and always had a job to do. This time we had too many hands and not enough jobs, so I watched. I definitely worked too, but I watched. I saw the difference we were making in the lives of people who would never be able to return the favor. I saw the humility in the eyes of everyone in that community. They had very little to live on, yet there were huge resorts only miles away from the poverty. It's hard to see, but it is also amazing and eye-opening. They are genuinely happy people. I've learned that, in places like that, most people work sun up to sun down and only make five dollars a day.. but they're happy. They live in "huts" and they are barely surviving, but they're happy.

Can you imagine what the world would be like if we all lived with little to nothing? 

It would be a better place. We would be humble and full of innocence. We would be strong and our wealth would be our family, not money. There would be a lot more peace and caring.

Sadly, most of us have grown up with everything we need and a lot that we ask for. It's not necessarily a bad thing, until we start to look down on those who have less. I'm not perfect, and a lot of times I'm pretty selfish too. But who isn't? I went on my first humanitarian trip about 4 years ago and it really affected the way I see others. We really are all equal whether we believe it or not. We just live differently. We all have the potential to become great. If you want to be a doctor or a lawyer, go for it! If you want to be a stay at home mom, that's just as awesome. Good for you! 

True kindness is hard to find these days, but that's because the media only shows the negative. Bring the positive back into this world. We need it! If you have the opportunity to go out and serve, please do that. You'd be amazed at how many people are willing to put other's needs before their own. The world is not evil.. we just make it out to be that way. My trips to Mexico give me hope. I go there and see hundreds of kids and adults serve people who deserve so much more than we can ever do for them. The people of Rocky Point, Mexico may think I'm impacting their lives, but believe me, they are impacting mine so much stronger. They will never see the difference they have made in me. They'll never see that they humble me because of the way they live and the gratitude they have.

If I could leave you with any advice, it would be to start seeing people the way God does. He doesn't judge, and He never will. He knows that none of us are perfect, and we can only try our best. And that is the greatest gift we have been given. 

Love, MissKatieBug <3

Humble & Kind by Tim McGraw